When I need a fake name my favourite sources are old baseball players or one hit wonder soul singers. Just open up the Encyclopedia of R&B and Soul and flip. Did you know Tony Armato sang the 1959 hit Just To Be With You? Probably not, so why let such a good name go to waste. So while skimming through a book on ballplayers who made it to the Hall of Fame I discovered gold (and when I say discover I use it in the same sense as Benjamin Franklin discovering electricity or Columbus finding the new world).

Big Ed Delahanty “knew no limits as either a player or carouser.” In one July game a near home-run bounced off a poll and landed in the “doghouse,” a shack that was used to store numbers for the manually-run scoreboard. Big Ed, true to his name, got stuck inside as the hitter rounded the bases for an inside the doghouse park home run.

His career was cut short when, after a few too many drinks, Ed was kicked off a train. Apparently the conductor didn’t like passengers pulling razors on people. Left to his own devices he decided to take a stroll and one thing led to another and he fell down Niagara Falls. I repeat he fell down Niagara Falls. You don’t get more hardcore than that. His body was found a week later.